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Weekend Looms
Posted by Rob Sherwood   •   Friday, 2007-September-21 • 13:37
For those of you to whom it matters...have a nice week-end. For some of us, it is just another irritating break in the tedium of ennui-surrounded hours haunted by the thought we ought to be doing something.

But Lo! I AM doing something. I'll be gone for a few days, so don't expect any blogging. In the meantime, you might read this news story:


I will have to clean up my act or be scorned by "smart-ass" college students with "successful" websites!

Take care

Let's Get Political
Posted by Rob Sherwood   •   Wednesday, 2007-September-19 • 19:00
My friend Mark wrote me that I should get political on this blog. He ended the mail with the phrase..."it could help". I suppose he refers to the very tepid number of responses. I spit on responses. Actually, I don't spit on responses. I like them. I also realize that the majority don't want to spend the time...aren't really interested in commenting on my comments...are pussies and send their comments to my email...never visit my site or blog and really don't know who I am. I LOVE politics. I also have some 'controversial' opinions. Let me list them: 1. OJ is getting a bum rap and I'm still not sure he did it! 2. If Nixon were alive and running for president, I'd vote for him...even though he was a little too liberal. 3. I think Joran Vandersloot is totally innocent. 4. I am uncomfortable around lesbians. 5. Life is NOT a bowl of cherries. 6. Male bonding makes me uncomfortable. 7. I utterly despise Keith Oberman. 8. Liberals in general and Democrats in particular are deluded, hateful, and probably mentally ill. 9. Money is the root of everything good (Thank-you Ayn) 10. All teenagers should be in jail. I leave you with a couple of joke forwards. btw...don't bother to expect me to post joke forwards that target George Bush or Republicans. You have to watch Letterman or Leno for those. While the 7 Dwarfs went to work, Snow White stayed home to prepare lunch. When she arrived at the mine with the lunch, she saw that there had been a terrible cave in. Tearfully, and fearing the worst. Snow White began calling out, hoping against hope that some of the dwarfs had survived. Hello, hello," she called. "Can anyone hear me? Hello" For quite a while there was no answer. Losing hope, Snow White called again, "Hello. Is anyone down there?" Just as she was about to give up all hope, there came a faint voice from deep in the mine. The voice said, "Vote for Hillary. Vote for Hillary." Snow White, somewhat relieved, screamed out, "Oh, thank God. Dopey is still alive!" Now THAT's funny!

Now I'm in trouble. Thanks Mark.

P as in Sighcology
Posted by Rob Sherwood   •   Tuesday, 2007-September-18 • 14:57
I was watching an old movie called..When Worlds Collide. I think. Not, I think I was watching a movie, but I think that was the title. I'm not THAT senile.

I noticed that they never went to the bathroom. This is a concern of mine. No wonder Jack Bauer on 24 is always killing and maiming. He hasn't been to the bathroom ALL DAY! (btw...I know why they killed off Milo. He made a movie that showed his weiner) One simple line in the dialogue would take care of this problem.

"We won't be aboard long enough to need chemical toilets." Or....

"I need to talk to Chloe!"

"Just a minute Jack...I'll get her. She just ran to the restroom."

See how easy it would be? Anyway, I was opining about this the other day and thus ensued a Pee discussion. And I'll continue it here. I'm not going to talk about recreational peeing. That is a whole DIFFERENT subject and I'm just don't want to think about it right now. But what about ...just regular peeing. When I used to come home to visit my brother and his family, I would wake in the night to use the facilities and after washing (rinsing) my hands would forget to turn off the faucet. They thought that strange. But...my sister-in-law commented that at LEAST I was a gentleman. Seriously, I cannot count the number of times I have seen people pee and walk out without washing. I understand the object is to avoid peeing on your fingers, but it seems a bit of hubris to assume that one can hold and aim and not have SOME contamination. I have had several movies ruined when I saw someone pee and exit without washing and THEN take the box of popcorn. It doesn't matter whether they ate it all by themselves or shared it...that popcorn was tainted!

The few times I have been drunk enough to barf, I have always prefered doing it in the sink. Mainly because the toilet ...well..you know. I don't like to drink water from the bathroom sink tap. Just one of my foibles.

Now there is the question of the toilet seat. Up or down. The woman have twisted this argument to put ALL the onus on the male. It has become OUR duty to make sure the seat is up and then replaced in the down position. Why? Why should the female just check before sitting? We live in such an entitlement society! And men are such pussies! (No irony intended) I have a brother who has solved the above dilemma by simply sitting to pee. !!! General George Patton would have slapped him silly.

Finally, a question. The older we get the more we have to go. I have an amazing bladder. Sometimes. I can go hours without even the twinkling of an urge. Drinking soda, riding in a car, standing next to a water fountain. Nothing. Then I drive up to my building. Get out of the car. Let myself in. Punch the elevator button. (Suddenly a twinge) The elevator approaches my floor. (I'm starting to do the pee dance) I walk quickly down the hall fumbling for my keys. (I am starting to sense droplets!!!) I run through the door fumbling at my pants. (No time to unbelt or unzip...just down right over the hips) Into the bathroom without a moment to spare. (Sometimes having to pinch!) Forget aim...it's like an Oklahoma gusher. ..... Now. Why was I perfectly fine until I was within 60 feet of the bathroom? It is one of life's mysteries.

So, if I'm at your house, I may be iffy on the aim, forget the proper seat position, and not sit down...but when I am finished, I will be a gentleman. You can be comfortable sharing my popcorn.

Food & Funerals
Posted by Rob Sherwood   •   Saturday, 2007-September-15 • 10:16
I got a great comment from a California fan*. He mentioned reading my website and my, I guess, off-beat take on life...as well as my food comentary. Putting the two together, I have an off-beat take on food. Life takes care of itself.

And so does death. The older you get the more funerals you go to. I haven't reached the point where I go to funerals for the lunch, but the lunch at the funeral yesterday was excellent. Saurkraut and sausage and Au Gratin potatos. The lovely, gentle, woman who lost her husband of 43 years much too soon, mentioned that he would have loved it. When we die we aren't measured by what we take with us because we don't take anything. Our life is measured by what we leave behind. I hope my send off is as warm and loving as the one yesterday. I wonder if I could get them to do hot beef sandwiches for me. Or pizza. Whatever it is, if it is a cold-cut tray, I'll come back and haunt someone.


*This is not a dismissive word for me. What a wonderful thing it is to be appreciated for what we do. And quite honestly, there are fans I like a lot better than some friends and certainly better than some family.
Road Rage Rant
Posted by Rob Sherwood   •   Wednesday, 2007-September-12 • 21:04
Before I write ANYTHING, I will admit I am a 'grandpa' driver. I hate having to drive and wish I lived more regularly in cities where cars are not a necessity. In San Francisco most everyone rides mass transit. In the Twin Cities at least a cross-section of society rides buses and light rail. In Duluth the only people on the bus are teens, seniors, recent DWI's, and retarded people. I avoid the bus.

I have lived all over the place and EVERY area either brags at having the BEST drivers or the WORSE drivers. I guess it depends on what people find bragable. I know people in Northern Minnesota are proud of cold bad records and mosquitos. I have heard San Franciscans brag about the number of people they have seen defecating on the sidewalk. It's like Rochester, Minnesota. Sure it has some great hospitals but the place is full of sick people.

Anyway. When a driver does a dumb-ass move, why do they wave at you? That's my whole rant.

Causing Changes
Posted by Rob Sherwood   •   Tuesday, 2007-September-11 • 20:38
I was on the first Northwest Airlines plane out of Duluth the Saturday after 9/11/01. The airport concourses in Minneapolis were like a mausoleum. I'm not a good flyer at any time but this flight from Mpls/St.Paul to San Francisco was worse than ever before. It may seem like a tired joke, but at least 10 people on the plane were obvious Arabs. Yikes!

There was a lot of thinking going on during that flight. In spite of the committment I had for a show that fall, I did what I have done so many times in my life. For better or worse, I made a decision...without much deliberation...and just DID it.

During the visit home, I met my nephew Sean's baby son..my great nephew...Braydon. On that plane I decided I didn't want to be a twice a year uncle. Sometimes life is like stew. You add a little of this and a little of that and...bing! Stew! Here the fragility of life, a little innocent baby, a big and dirty city, and that was it. I moved most of my life to Minnesota that December.

I don't regret it.

Posted by Rob Sherwood   •   Saturday, 2007-September-08 • 12:06
For those of you keeping score...if I reply to someone's reply in a previous blog, does that count?

Do you realize how hard it is for me not to delve into my political opinions here? It has taken every bit of my moral fiber...and anyone familiar with my morals, knows I could use a little more fiber. It has gotten to the point that there can be no political discourse because the 'other side' is seriously mentally ill. There is a hatred and vitriol that is so incredibly vicious, it would be funny if the consequences of it weren't so serious. At times I just have to fall back on my mother's solution and light a candle for them. In my case, the candle won't be for the haters but for the hate-ee's.

Well that's it. I'm going to a football game tonight and hope it isn't too cold. Hope your week-end is as low-key as mine. Take care...

"...you gotta be a football hero..to get along with the beautiful..."

Oh, Well!
Posted by Rob Sherwood   •   Thursday, 2007-September-06 • 18:33
Didn't get to the fair and enough said about that. Television sucks and enough said about that. I can only go to so many movies. It seems like I go to them all and since my brother says there has never been a movie I didn't like, I guess you can just assume that I like it...gave it between zero and five stars and enough said about that.

I am a political junky. A difference between me an most of those I vehemently disagree with is: I can be friends with a liberal.

There is the big controversy about abortion and exactly when life begins...is it at conception, or birth, or when the fetus goes to first grade? No controversy with me. Life began (again) tonight with the return of regular-season football.

I have three audiences. 1. Before the Twin Cities people 2. Twin Cities people 3. West Coast People. There is also a sub-group of West Coast people, I call the San Francisco people. So, no matter what I write about I can count on boring 2/3's of the readers.

I keep getting mail from peeps asking if I know where so-and-so is? Sometimes I do. Most of the time, I don't. I figure over the years I worked with hundreds of people and I only remember 7 of them. Well, I'm exagerating. It's actually, only 4. Moon keeps sending me mail so I won't forget him. His mail usually starts with..."It's Moon. remember me?" Moon's job at FM104 was show producer and visiting me in psych wards. Anyway, I'll give him a plug. Moon's a singer and he has a show in Modesto at the Mustang. The Mustang is a gay-friendly bar. LOL. So, anyway...go see him.

Another Centralvallian I hear from is Kenny Roberts. He has been trying to figure out how to comment on my blogs for about 3 months. Funny, I worked with him at K093 and have known him for years and never knew he was retarded.

The only other semi-regular from those days is the evil Gary DeMaroney. Dick Cheney is more beloved that Gary DeMaroney. Gary came to California when I moved there and I loaded his stuff in my moving truck. I'll never forgive him for moving a shelf made of boards and bricks! Now, he has his own stations in Southern Cal and with luck is making enough money to cover his industrial-strength Rogaine bill.

Pretty lame isn't it? The rest are fans/friends! And with at least two of them, my mail goes into 'Junk'.

Well...if I haven't burned enough bridges.....

"...don't go changin'...try to please me..."

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