I was watching an old movie called..When Worlds Collide. I think. Not, I think I was watching a movie, but I think that was the title. I'm not THAT senile.

I noticed that they never went to the bathroom. This is a concern of mine. No wonder Jack Bauer on 24 is always killing and maiming. He hasn't been to the bathroom ALL DAY! (btw...I know why they killed off Milo. He made a movie that showed his weiner) One simple line in the dialogue would take care of this problem.

"We won't be aboard long enough to need chemical toilets." Or....

"I need to talk to Chloe!"

"Just a minute Jack...I'll get her. She just ran to the restroom."

See how easy it would be? Anyway, I was opining about this the other day and thus ensued a Pee discussion. And I'll continue it here. I'm not going to talk about recreational peeing. That is a whole DIFFERENT subject and I'm just don't want to think about it right now. But what about ...just regular peeing. When I used to come home to visit my brother and his family, I would wake in the night to use the facilities and after washing (rinsing) my hands would forget to turn off the faucet. They thought that strange. But...my sister-in-law commented that at LEAST I was a gentleman. Seriously, I cannot count the number of times I have seen people pee and walk out without washing. I understand the object is to avoid peeing on your fingers, but it seems a bit of hubris to assume that one can hold and aim and not have SOME contamination. I have had several movies ruined when I saw someone pee and exit without washing and THEN take the box of popcorn. It doesn't matter whether they ate it all by themselves or shared it...that popcorn was tainted!

The few times I have been drunk enough to barf, I have always prefered doing it in the sink. Mainly because the toilet ...well..you know. I don't like to drink water from the bathroom sink tap. Just one of my foibles.

Now there is the question of the toilet seat. Up or down. The woman have twisted this argument to put ALL the onus on the male. It has become OUR duty to make sure the seat is up and then replaced in the down position. Why? Why should the female just check before sitting? We live in such an entitlement society! And men are such pussies! (No irony intended) I have a brother who has solved the above dilemma by simply sitting to pee. !!! General George Patton would have slapped him silly.

Finally, a question. The older we get the more we have to go. I have an amazing bladder. Sometimes. I can go hours without even the twinkling of an urge. Drinking soda, riding in a car, standing next to a water fountain. Nothing. Then I drive up to my building. Get out of the car. Let myself in. Punch the elevator button. (Suddenly a twinge) The elevator approaches my floor. (I'm starting to do the pee dance) I walk quickly down the hall fumbling for my keys. (I am starting to sense droplets!!!) I run through the door fumbling at my pants. (No time to unbelt or unzip...just down right over the hips) Into the bathroom without a moment to spare. (Sometimes having to pinch!) Forget aim...it's like an Oklahoma gusher. ..... Now. Why was I perfectly fine until I was within 60 feet of the bathroom? It is one of life's mysteries.

So, if I'm at your house, I may be iffy on the aim, forget the proper seat position, and not sit down...but when I am finished, I will be a gentleman. You can be comfortable sharing my popcorn.

Rob