Back when I was living in Modesto in 1980...San Francisco during most of or parts of the next couple of years and at home in Tacoma, Washington, I thought my parties...or entertainments...had a certain style. At some point back in the Twin Cities while giving parties in my 16th floor apartment I moved from the BYOB and chips and dips parties that seemed to be standard fare. I now realize that my pretensions to style were ludicrous. There didn't feature nose-picking contests but they were High Tea with the Queen either. Also, I don't consider myself naive. I just realized this is wandering all over the place. That's what happens when you try to watch America's Got Talent and blog at the same time. The point of this is that someone, tonight, told a joke and I didn't get it. Mainly I didn't get it because I wasn't up on some of the latest fads. Here is the joke:

Two ladies bought a lottery ticket together and they won 10,000 dollars to split. One lady says that she was going to get a face lift. The second lady says she was going to get her ass-hole bleached. The first lady says, "I don't think your husband will look very good as a blond."

I had no idea there was such a procedure. How would one know if they needed anal bleaching? I suppose someone could tell you, but if it is difficult to tell someone they need a breath mint, how hard must it be to say....and while I'm at it, you could use a little butt bleach. That reminds me of the guy who took a bath in laundry soap and all his things came out whiter and brighter than ever before. Also, can one assume that if a person doesn't floss, needs to use some hair conditioner, and should stop biting their nails that they also are suffering anal blight? Remember the special lighting in Joan Crawford movies that kept her saggy-neck in shadow? I wonder if candle-light would make things look better under there. Well. I did spend some time on the stage and Max Factor can make anything good. I just have to make sure I keep the make-up sponges separate.

I can't believe it has been a month since I last let you all (anyone?)know that I'm still alive. Just a comment, but isn't fall the best season of them all in Minnesota? Anyway, I checked my Rob Sherwood email and noticed that Moon had gotten a password for commenting on this blog. Oops! I better call a lawyer. Speaking of the Chinese....(That is quite the non-sequitor since Moon isn't Chinese and I wasn't speaking of them anyway...but now I shall do)

Just once in a while I have an urge for ice cream. Real ice cream...not soft serve. And certainly not the soy-based junk they have at so many places. In San Francisco, there is something special about getting the ice-cream urge, going out, walking by half a dozen hookers, three or four winos, and at least one urinator, to the bodega on the corner for a pint. I am sure some of that ice cream has been there since Feinstein was mayor but I buy it anyway. (If you want the fresh stuff you must donate to hezzbolah...sorry for the racist Arab comment...I mean to be trashing the Chinese)

This bodega is run by a Chinese family and most of the time, the clerk is eight or nine years old and quite fluent in English but not this time. I grabbed my pint of chocolate chip and paid the amah behind the counter. It takes about 25 seconds to walk up the hill to my front door.I was just into the lobby, waiting for the elevator, and gazing anticipatorilly at my ice cream when I realize I had grabbed chocolate chip MINT instead of regular chocolate chip. Oops! I returned to the store, made my way to the freezer. There was no regular chocolate chip. I was forced to grab a Rocky Road. At the counter, the old amah had been replaced by an old Chinese man who wanted to charge me for the RR. I explained why I wanted to switch in careful pigeon English "Me takee ice cream but no wantee...changee".... The man answered that no can change because how he know I hadn't tainted the mint chocolate chip. I explained to him that I had bought it 45 seconds earlier and he aid...."me no see"....After a few seconds I gave up and just left the mint ice cream on the counter and walked out with the Rockie Road. I haven't been back since. I am sure my picture is now posted with the legend. "Ice Cream Thief" and they are saving the melted mint choc. chip for evidence should I ever be taken to trial.

The Rockie Road wasn't very good. Lots of marshmallow but only one nut in the whole pint!

Not including the nut who ate the whole thing in about 2 minutes.