Sorry for my sudden disappearance. But, I'm back now. For an hour or two. Going south and hopefully will be able to work the State Fair into my meanderings. There is a Pronto Pup down there with my name on it. Have a great week-end and catch you soon.

When I was programming years ago, I think I had something wrong. Week-end scheduling. Think about this. If the standard programming is aimed at the standard Monday Through Friday worker, with Saturday or Sunday (or both) off, why did we fiddle with programming on Monday morning?

Let's say you are a listener who has to be at work by 8 am and you have a 45 minute commute. Or longer...or earlier. The point is that on Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday morning you wake and listen to the last few moments of the 'regular' all-night program and then the morning show begins. But the way we programmed, the 'regular' all-night programming wasn't there on Monday morning. We used that time to maintain the transmitter or sign-off the air in some cases...or as I frequently hear now, continue different week-end programming. On Saturday morning (early) we had the 'regular' all night programming even thought the standard listener was sleeping in on Saturday morning.

Does any of this make any sense? I'm just suggesting that the schedule for the 'regular' all night now should be Monday thru Friday rather than Tuesday thru Saturday. Assuming the show starts at midnight. Or 2am. The 'week-end' programming SHOULD begin at Midnight Friday (00:01 Saturday or 02:00 Saturday). This seems more consistent to me.

Another question? ....oh, forget it. I'm already confused.

Let me ruin your day. Have you ever wondered why old men smell funny? Not laugh funny but weird funny. When you walk into an old man's house (assuming he no longer has an old woman around) it smells like an old man's house. When I was a teenager I used to deliver groceries for my Dad. Every house had a unique signature smell and blindfolded I could have down a good job matching the house with the smell.

So...back to geezer smell. Face it. It's pee. I was in an old man's house (not me...another one) today and it had that old man smell. Pee smell. You see, when guys get old they start peeing like 10-15 times a day. With ever pee there is a little dribble. Well...you start getting 10-15 dribbles a day that's a lot of pee. Can we assume that each pee is accompanied by 3 dribbles. That's 45 dribbles per day. There are two solutions to this problem. Change your underwear after every pee or pull on the elastic and sprinkle the area with some cheap cologne. If it works for women, it will work for men.

That sort of makes me laugh thinking of some old guy with a wiener that smells like English Leather.

Television sucks so supremely that I spend less and less time with it. It may seem like I watch for hours each day but today is an example of what is most often the case. I didn't turn the television on until about 3:30PM and turn it off at 7:30PM. And I wasn't glued to it during those hours. Most of the day I read. Nothing particularly uplifting. Just reading for entertainment. When I wake during the night, I read. I wake at about 7:30 each morning and first thing grab my book. I read before bed and while I eat. I sit outside and read and take a book with me to McDonald's. I wish I could read in the shower and while I brush my teeth. In Modesto I walked a lot. From my house to the movies was about three miles. I walked it dozens of times, trudging along the sidewalk, reading. I got to the point where I would automatically chart my course every few sentences. I smashed into street signs and parking meters but it never caused any major scars. During the last few years of my radio career, I rode a bicycle (pedal) in Modesto. For 7 years in San Francisco, my bike was my primary mode of transportation. That's where the rumor arose that I was living in San Francisco and peddling my ass all over town. Walking, pedaling, and cadging for rides can be inconvenient at times but versus the trials and tribulations of car ownership, I loved it. I know people do it but I can't read while driving. I can't even look at the pictures. Somewhere on this blog or on the website I wrote about walking in foggy San Fran after seeing the remastered My Fair Lady. It was a special walk I'll always remember. Another was in Modesto in the fall of 1989. I was walking back from something (can't remember what) on a cool dark night. On the DiscMan (lame) was playing Les Miz or Phantom or Chess...whatever....and I was walking in beat with the music (almost marching), the flaps of my trench coat flapping in the wind. It was exhilarating. I loved every minute of that walk. But then, one night, after green-Jello wrestling Gary DeMaroney, going to a play rehearsal, and missing my ride home, I walked home, tired, cold, and sticky. The walk was Hell and I caught a cold. I am often a cheap bastard. Anyway, I can still read. I miss all that walking.

I just love going on Craig's List and causing trouble. Just now someone told me to go and 'eat a bowl of dog fuck'. Now THAT was pretty funny. Thanks to the wonderful internet I am about to start watching So You Think You Can Dance Canada. The US one is just wrapping up. I struck up a conversation with someone while traveling...something I seldom do....and we ended up talking about So You Think You Can Dance. Why didn't he start talking to me about sports television or the latest on the political scene? Nope! First thing out of his mouth was, "Do you watch that dance show on TV?" I asked him if he meant Dancing With The Stars. Since most of their audience are just back from the Senior Meal at Old Country Buffet, I was offended. When he told me it was So You Think....I was offended again. I'm just going to have to man-up! I was on the street car in San Francisco and a guy sat next to me. In spite of the fact I had ear phones on he persisted in starting a conversation with the comment, "Bill Clinton and Al Gore are butt buddies." That was enough to get me to remove my ear phones. I asked him where he heard that and he told me..."c'mon..it's a well known fact". The guy who wondered about So You Think You Can Dance must have been related because he told me that Benji...the winner several seasons ago.....had a big...well....you know. He might have used the word...huge. Yuppers. Benji has a huge you know. Of course that ruins it for me because now, whenever I see Benji dance I'll think of ...you know....flopping about. When they are 'huge' they have a tendency to flop. Or so I've read.

I was on another street car in San Francisco and some Turret's woman was swearing and making unfortunate noises. I laughed. Some guy who looked like a tree-hugger whipped around and berated me for laughing. After taking his abuse I told him, "But...it still is funny". That guy probably has an extremely small you know.

If you are curious (and perverted) Google Benji Schwimmer.