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It's Just Wrong
Posted by Rob Sherwood   •   Tuesday, 2007-June-19 • 08:51
Yesterday, while sitting by the window, alternately reading and watching the thunderclouds roll in, the phone rang. It was my nephew, calling from southern Minnesota asking if we got the Jerry Springer Show. I turned on the TV and saw most of the video clip they were playing.

Like Dante, I have seen the depths of hell!

A friend of mine in California (soon to be in Illlinois) has the theory that all our vices are progressive. He must have heard this from some preacher. The theory is that each little vice creates the desire for another little vice. Say you are addicted to ice cream. First, you have a little bowl while you watch Ellen. Next thing you are having another bowl during Oprah. Then eventually another during Jeopardy. Soon, you aren't even using the bowl, but just eating it right out of the carton. Sure, you started with Ben & Jerry's...but then it's Hagen Daz, from pints to quarts to half-gallons. Eventually, you are eating it straight from the plastic gallon container with the handy metal carrying handle. Your days become tormented as you try to assuage the gnawing desire with fudgecicles and push-ups. Soon, they know you by first name at Cold Stone and make you pay in advance. You end up on the television show Intervention, but of course it doesn't take and you leave re-hab early and last you were heard from you were rummaging through a trash can outside a Dairy Queen.

Hollywood has gotten rich by making comedies that cater to our desire to laugh at the misfortunes of others. The man and the banana peel comes to mind. And much to my shame, I sat by the window, with the thunderclouds rolling in, a discarded book on my lap, watching the worst bit of television I have ever seen. And laughed my ass off.

I hesitate to even describe it. Imagine a congenitally deformed woman with stumps ending above the elbow and above the knee trying to eat spaghetti, potato chips, and brush her teeth. As my friend Sal would say..."That's just wrong!"

My nephew said he was embarassed to be watching and ashamed to be laughing. Of course, HE was the one who called ME. I didn't know whether to take a shower or get down on my knees and pray.

Add this sorry episode to my list of vices. If things progress according to theory, I will soon be taking up deer hunting (Bambi's mom!), puppy-baseball (dog is the ball), and TIVOing Maury.(one of those 12 guys IS the father!)

...on my way to do the Stations, I remain....

Rob
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