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Posted by Rob Sherwood   •   Tuesday, 2011-March-01 • 22:06
Another month and another date in Bold. I was sitting at Wendy's this afternoon helping my food budget with a 99 cent Double Stack. I miss the days when McDonald's Quarter Pounder was 99 cents. Of course I miss gas for 27-9. I have a problem with Wendy's. Did you hear that Wendy got pregnant? The Burger King put his Whopper in Wendy's Hot and Juicy. A friend of mine named Mark said that to me while eating in a Wendy's in St. Paul in the early 70's. I laughed and coughed and snotted Pepsi all over the table and these many years later, I still think of it EVERY time I eat there. I can't get it out of my brain! Help me!

Sitting across from me reading a newspaper was Donald Rumsfeld. I really think it was him because half-way through his burger he moved onto another table with no provocation.

I often see people who look like famous people. I mention it to other people but their eyes aren't as keen as mine. In the last week I have ridden a bus with Rudolf Nureyev. Twice. I know it was him because he was very light on his feet when he walked down the aisle and he had an application form from Dancing With The Stars.

I also bought a hot chocolate at a Starbucks and the guy standing in line right in front of me looked like that fat porn star, Ron Jeremy. At first he didn't, but when I saw him naked it was a perfect duplicate. He doesn't do porn anymore. (Who'd want to see that?) He did make a cameo on Law & Order. He played the defendant and was hung. So was the jury. Which reminds me of KDWB. The other day I was listening to a radio talk show and it soooo obvious they had processing on the microphone. My first station with processing was WDGY. They had the CBS Lab Audiomax and Volumax. Pretty basic stuff. When I moved to KDWB, Deane had processing (can't remember what it was) but it sounded pretty good. One night I got an idea. It came to me in a dream. Why not processing on the DJ's mike? In addition...or in spite of...the general signal processing. I couldn't wait for the next day. When I got to work I bothered Don Bleu with my dream. Finally, I worked up the nerve, and mentioned it to Deane. He stared at me until I bowed my head and backed out of his presence. The chief engineer was feeding the both hamsters (we were on full power) and I interrupted him with a question. "You know what I would really be neat? I would like processing on the DJ's studio mike." He replied, "And you'd also like a ten inch dick, right?" I took that as a no.

Leave it to the late and wonderful night-time engineer, Rey Lark, who a few days later came to me and said he had some processing for the mike and would I like him to put it in and see how it sounded. I put on Light My Fire (6 minutes) and he did his magic. When Jim Morrison finished, I poked the button, slid the slide, and.........

It flooded the crimson twilight,
Like the close of an angel's psalm,
And it lay on my fevered spirit
With a touch of infinite calm.

It quieted pain and sorrow,
Like love overcoming strife;
It seemed the harmonious echo
From our discordant life.

It linked all perplexèd meanings
Into one perfect peace,
And trembled away into silence
As if it were loth to cease.

In other words, not cribbed from Sir Arthur Sullivan, it sounded wonderful. The angels were singing. I was in heaven. The last time I had been that happy was playing twister with Dame Margot Fonteyn. ("Left toes on blue, tutu on yellow")Nureyev was jealous hell.

Wouldn't it be nice to be able to put a processor on life?

Tweaking the highs, I remain....

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