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Posted by Rob Sherwood   •   Wednesday, 2010-December-08 • 10:54
Gang aft agley. That isn't the exact way I learned it but that's the way it is.
This bit of Ode to a Mouse is pertinent because my plans to write something meaningful on this blog and wrap up the San Francisco K101 portion of My Story havegang aft agley.
Last night in the first step of this new-found ambition, I decided to do something I rarely do...cook for myself. In some other place I have written about a pasta dish I developed over the years that I loosely refer to as goulash. When I was working in Green Bay I looked forward to Saturday nights with mouth watering anticipation. It was, along with Sunday, a night off and what could be better than mountains of food, eaten lying on the floor in front of the TV?
The food was a pasta al forno with a meat sauce that included mushrooms, green pepper, onions, garlic, and celery, layered with macaroni, mozzarella, jack, and Parmesan cheese and baked to bubbly. Add some French bread and cold milk (no wine please) and I was in gluttony heaven.
Last night I decided to make the above, but with a little judicious editing so I wasn't lumbered with enough hot-dish to feed Napoleon's Army as it marched through Lombardy. I fried the hamburger, added the appropriate 'stuff' and created the base sauce. I boiled the pasta and carefully layered all the ingredients. I had succeeded in producing enough for too much to eat in the first serving and too little to eat in the re-heating. It went in the oven to get bubbling and I buttered and garlic'ed my French Bread and got it going in the toaster oven. With no milk on hand (or Chianti) I mixed 2 quarts of Crystal Lite Pink Lemonade. A bit later, it was time to eat. I paused my TV show and moved into the kitchen to load up the trough.
The trough in this case was a tray I bought at Ikea that makes it easy to eat in front of the television. On the tray, I put the eating utensils, extra Parmesan, Tabasco, and a glass for the Pink Lemonade. The lemonade being freshly made was too warm so I filled the glass with some ice-cubes from the fridge. While I waited for the final browning of the pasta concoction in the oven, I grabbed the Ajax, sprinkled it on the pan I used to brown the meat, etc, and cleaned it off. (To get ahead of things) Then I used my Ikea hot-gloves to pull out the hot-dish and place it on the top of the stove. I took the plate off the tray and filled it to heaping at the stove, turned an placed it on the tray. I took the pitcher of Pink Lemonade and filled the glass. This is when I noticed that the ice took up so much of the volume of the glass that there were barely two or three small gulps of lemonade in the glass. This is when I took the pitcher of pink liquid and added it to the tray. Totally unbalancing the entire thing. The tray flipped up like a teeter-totter, the lemonade crashing to the floor followed in split-seconds by the plate of pasta. When I tried to grab things to prevent disaster, the container of Ajax tipped onto the floor adding a dusting of aqua powder to make sure the 5 second rule would not apply.
After using words of an ungentlemanly nature, I attempted to rescue something edible. While on my knees I smelled the French bread turning to charcoal in the broiler.
Thirty minutes later, I glumly ate the too-little remainder sans Garlic bread and with water. Since dinner last night I've been so depressed I just can't face the blog or My Story.
  1. MBiolo wrote on 2010-December-08 17:47:03:
    I'm still chuckling 30 minutes after first reading this. Though I do feel bad for you. No, really.
  2. funkykenny wrote on 2010-December-20 23:07:50:
    Hey, What, no pets to clean the mess up?? K.
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