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Posted by Rob Sherwood   •   Wednesday, 2009-December-16 • 22:43
After being thoroughly punished for using computers in internet cafes and accessing that Lactating Midget Transvestite site, I shouldn't be surprised that some guy in Japan decided my Yahoo email directory was ripe pickings for erection enhancements and extremely realistic latex toys. Now, with some new addresses and passwords, I feel like a new-born baby.

Back in 1968, I spent six weeks at Brown Institute memorizing the FCC 1st Class test questions and Kel was one of my class-mates. Rather than falling for my hacked email, he dropped me a note and prompted me to write (again) about my Christmas Tree Obsession.

I leave it up always.

I just like Christmas too much and knowing that no matter where I travel, when I get back to my stuff, my Christmas Tree will be waiting. I don't have a theme tree. It is just an eclectic Christmas tree loaded with white lights, colored lights, old-fashioned lights, LED lights, and and mixture of old, new, and home-made decorations. It twinkles nicely in December as well as in July. What's the deal behind it?

When I was in high school I read about a Hollywood icon from the silent picture days who at that time, in his old-age, was fabulously wealthy, not from his movies, but from Los Angeles real-estate. There were pictures of the living room of Harold Lloyd's mansion and in it was a huge-year-around Christmas tree. I remember commenting to my grandmother (or someone) that it would be "neat" or maybe "swell" to have a Christmas tree year around.

Now we should jump ahead to September 1971. I was moving from an apartment on McKnight Road (not far from KDWB) to a townhouse apartment close to Downtown St. Paul. I had lived in the apartment for a little more than a year. I had a Christmas tree to move. I bought that white-flocked Christmas Tree for Christmas 1970. In January of 1971 was coming off a year of being mostly crazy or high and undecorating and discarding my Christmas tree was not on my agenda. In spite of the fact this was an actual, once alive balsam, the needles didn't fall off. Maybe it was a magic tree or maybe the flock just held the needles in place. Either way, it was a fire disaster waiting to happen and by April of 1971 I stopped lighting the lights and kept at least 10 feet away when smoking.

At some point in the summer I removed the lights. The needles remained and the silver and gold bulbs and garlands sparkled appropriately. It was easy to dredge up my "Harold Lloyd" excuse for keeping that dusty-flocked-white-kindling. In September when I moved, I was determined that the tree would come with me. The branches were so brittle, our attempt to squeeze it out the door was doing major damage and thanks to some helper's suggestion, we tied a rope to the tree and lowered it down from the balcony. For the next three years it took up space in the corner of the dining area. When I moved to Meadowlark Lane in Burnsville to be close to U100, the tree came along, at various times being on the first floor and the second floor. (The crazy place had 5 levels)

My move to KSTP in 1976 and a 16th floor apartment across from the U, doomed my almost five year relationship with my tree. It no longer had the look of a snow-frosted Christmas tree. Now, it was more the color of late-winter slush and if I spent any time near to it, my eyes would water, my lungs would clog, and my skin would itch. Although we actually moved the tree to Minneapolis, it never made it to the second floor. In a moment of decision, I consigned it to the basement dumpster.

My next Christmas tree was in Modesto in 1981. A real tree. A month after Christmas I made the mistake of breaking the tree apart and burning it in my fireplace. The needles turned to ash and there was a wonderful "snow" storm in my neighborhood. In San Francisco for Christmas 1982, I bought a wonderful tree in a rainstorm. It didn't last past January. The year round tradition returned in Tacoma with my first fake tree. Back in Modesto I kept a tree until I moved to SF in 1993. For almost 8 years my tree was in storage...waiting. In 2002, I decorated my tree and it remains today, soon to celebrate its 8th Christmas. At least once a year I de-decorate it, dust the bulbs and such and up-date the lights. Now, it's not just a Christmas tree. It's me.

I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas and a very happy 2010.

Rob

  1. funkykenny wrote on 2009-December-16 23:25:32:
    It's about time I heard that story, AGAIN!! Happy Holidays. K&A
  2. funkykenny wrote on 2009-December-30 05:12:43:
    Hey, Hope your Holidays were special. We'll have a Blue Moon tomorrow night to bring in the New Year. If not clouded over, it should be visible all over the Americas. Enjoy it my friend. I'll send you a detailed email of stuff soon. K&A
  3. randyhendrix wrote on 2010-February-11 09:43:25:
    what is happing rob? New blog for 2010?? Hope our well!
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