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Between Turkeys
Posted by Rob Sherwood • Monday, 2007-December-03 • 21:44
I am impelled to write about turkey. A few years ago I wrote somewhere on the site about things people do just because people do. Turkey falls in that catagory. Does anyone REALLY like turkey? There is so much wrong with it. First, it really doesn't taste very good. Turkey gravy is good and proper home-made stuffing (not Stovetop) is tasty. Even deli-turkey seems to come from a different animal. The turkey inflicted on me at Thanksgiving never rises to its promise. Bags, basting, pop-up timers, deep-fryers, Butterball, fresh, frozen, turkey filet...all fail to provide the universal quest: a moist bird! (Somehow that sounds vaguely pornographic)
You may think I'm full of shit because millions of people supposedly LOVE turkey. Millions of people supposedly think Willie Nelson can sing. (zing!) I just thought of my best argument against turkey. Ask 20 people what their favorite food is and if even one says...turkey...I'll stick a wishbone in my eye. The answers will be pizza or steak or Kraft Macaroni and Cheese or Kraft Cheese and Macaroni. If turkey doesn't even make anyone's top 20 then why oh why is their this holiday obsession with it?
I am a traditional sort of guy so in spite of my turkey-scorn, I'll accept it as a yearly infliction. I know, however, that the demons of hell dwell in those who cook up another bird for Christmas! Please...! Please....! I rather have chicken.
One acceptable use of turkey-off-the-bone is the sandwich my older brother taught me to make as a child. Make toast. Butter the toast and liberally slather on mayonaise (or if you are a philistine, Miracle Whip). Now, slices of turkey (chunky ones) and perhaps a little left over dressing. Sliced pickles and some left over salad. Even cole slaw is permissable. Now that the sandwich is complete cut it into quarters diagonally corner to corner and dip each bite in ketchup and consume with cold milk. Heaven! I'm in Heaven!
The same sandwich, though, is much better with left over roast beef. If I ever see anyone make this sandwich on the Food Channel, I shall sue.
Rob
You may think I'm full of shit because millions of people supposedly LOVE turkey. Millions of people supposedly think Willie Nelson can sing. (zing!) I just thought of my best argument against turkey. Ask 20 people what their favorite food is and if even one says...turkey...I'll stick a wishbone in my eye. The answers will be pizza or steak or Kraft Macaroni and Cheese or Kraft Cheese and Macaroni. If turkey doesn't even make anyone's top 20 then why oh why is their this holiday obsession with it?
I am a traditional sort of guy so in spite of my turkey-scorn, I'll accept it as a yearly infliction. I know, however, that the demons of hell dwell in those who cook up another bird for Christmas! Please...! Please....! I rather have chicken.
One acceptable use of turkey-off-the-bone is the sandwich my older brother taught me to make as a child. Make toast. Butter the toast and liberally slather on mayonaise (or if you are a philistine, Miracle Whip). Now, slices of turkey (chunky ones) and perhaps a little left over dressing. Sliced pickles and some left over salad. Even cole slaw is permissable. Now that the sandwich is complete cut it into quarters diagonally corner to corner and dip each bite in ketchup and consume with cold milk. Heaven! I'm in Heaven!
The same sandwich, though, is much better with left over roast beef. If I ever see anyone make this sandwich on the Food Channel, I shall sue.
Rob
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